already messing up?

so i fucked up.

i dont get it. i tell myself that i have a problem and that i need to work on it but then i went back to my old ways?

but i do think i made some progress....when i lie i usually wait until i am caught to admit. then i get defensive and argressive and deny.  this time i came clean. hurt like hell.  but i felt better knowing i came clean.

definatly does not excuse that what i did was wrong. but shows that i am willing to try.  or so i think. im trying.

i hate that i cant say im done lying and it go away. i hate that i have to work at it. but in my eyes im like an addict. it will be something i have to work on every day, every second, every minute.

i need it for all those around.

i have too much too lose but even more to gain.